A Sunday breakfast

...this is what a typical morning is like for me these days. The girls wake me up, usually very gently to their laughter around 7 a.m. I walk in to a room filled with giggles and huge smiles and scoop them both into my arms and we go out to the couch, where we sit, one girl on each leg and I let them adjust to the bright lights in the living room.

I am rewarded by lots of snuggles and hugs. Then, after a few minutes of quiet, we explode into activity and crawling, schrieking, walking, yelling, pulling, kissing, throwing, etc. It's wonderful.

After a change of diapers and clothes they're plopped into the highchairs and what follows runs the gamut from wonderful to annoying in the span of about three seconds. However - yesterday morning they discovered feeding one another and I was fortunate enough to photograph it. So, enjoy, because I certainly did.

Too long...

...without a post. Sorry about that. (Because I know I have gads and gads of faithful readers..HA!)

Actually - the babies were less work and took up less time when they were little, so I had more free time. But now they're far more fun. Walking, grunting, pointing, giggling, messy little bundles of fun.

Life is fairly good right now, I must admit. Work is going wonderfully, as I finally am gaining some confidence and feeling as though I do know some things and the kids I work with are amazing and remind me every day why I do this.

Married life is going back to "normal", an adjustment which I knew would take awhile, but am still surprised at how much everything changed once the girls arrived.

And the babies are such a joy and light I cannot imagine people not wanting children. I'm wanting more. Lots more.

I'm getting VERY excited for the Christmas season. I started listening to Christmas music over a week ago, which I have been soundly scolded for, but I don't care. I'm going to decorate this weekend and I've already started planning gifts and a baking schedule. Oh goodness...last year I missed out on a lot of it b/c I couldn't really stand for more than five minutes (I was five feet around by the end), so this year I'm jumping in full force. Ready and rearing to go.

Hoo-ah!

Breaking the silence...

...of almost two months without a post. Why? Because life intruded tremendously.

But I could not let this pass. THIS is the single most ridiculous baby thing I've ever seen. A birthday high chair skirt? Are you serious? $34.00. I don't think so.

Maybe I'll return to blogging soon.

thoughts before a busy September...

The month has flown by. My babies will be eight months in a matter of days. The 6-8 month period is chock-o-block full of learning new skills and becoming complete little individuals. It's been amazing and there's a part of me that feels almost bad for all my friends who had singletons b/c I couldn't image having only one to love. Plus they play with each other, which frees me up a ton.

They crawl towards one another, smiling, several times a day. And randomly something will set one of them off laughing and then the other will join in. And sometimes when one of them bonks their head it makes the other one laugh so there are no tears. It's amazing.

But the craziness is about to hit. August is the gear up month. Septembe is launch time. I love my job. I love what I do. I love what Randy does, but the timing of pulling it all off is insane. This is the fourth night in a row Randy hasn't been home for bedtime b/c of job obligations.

We do a lot of single parenting. It's crazy. It does mean I have a lot of alone time with the girls, but it's sometimes to the point when we are both together, taking care of the girls, we stop, look at one another, and laugh, because it's so nice to have both of us there.

September is full...Sunday and Wednesday we're both busy until 9 or 10 p.m. Monday nights Randy is busy. Thursday nights I'm busy. Fridays will mostly likely be spent at football games. Which leaves Tuesday and Saturday. But often we both have youth events or Badger football games on Saturdays, which leaves us Tuesdays to spend time together. I both love and loathe taht particular aspect of our jobs. In order for us to minister to our parishes we have to be available when they are - after hours. Its worth it, make no mistake, but it will be refreshing when we're no longer in ministry.

For now, we'll survive and thrive. The babies are wonderful. I'm wonderful. Randy's wonderful. Life is wonderful.

back to work!

and so here I am, halfway through my first day back and I'm enjoying myself. It was very difficult to leave this morning...as I carried Eve to the playpen so I could shower I started crying. And then, as I was saying goodbye and hugged them close I cried again, mostly because I thought about all the smiles that wouldn't be directed at me and wondering what new and amazing things they'll learn to do when I'm no longer there all the time.

But it feels good to be back. And thus far I'm not overwhelmed. I've written down 3-4 projects to get accomplished every day for the nest two weeks and I think I'm actually being realistic, which is great. I've got new things in the works and I'm organizing the old things. This is good.

It also felt good to be able to go into the church and pray for awhile. I know nothing is stopping me from doing this when I'm home, and I do pray at home, but the peaceful that can be achieved in a church in the physical presence of God (the Eucharist in the tabernacle) is much stronger in the church itself, and that's comforting.

The past week Randy was on vacation with me as well, so we took a coupe day trips -one to Milwaukee, where we visited the Milwaukee Public Market, which has marvelous food - our lunch consisted of falafel, fresh-made hummus, peanut-chicken stew, caprese salad in ciabatta bread, homemade vanilla rootbeer and HUGE gingersnap and peanut butter cookies. It was pleasant to walk around in the market, too and the variety of foods available made me glad we lived in Madison, because if we were anywhere close by we'd spend so much money there.

After that we headed down to the waterfront and took in the sights there. Lake Michigan was beautifully blue and the sky was mostly clear, which made for a gorgeous view. After that we drove around the neighborhoods near the shore, looking at the huge, beautigul houses, imagining ourselves living in them before heading over to Marquette University campus and exploring the Saint Joan of Arc chapel. It's an interesting little story, about it was built in the 15th century in France, moved to Long Island in the 1920's and then moved to Marquette in the 1960's for preservation (for the complete history, click HERE) A quote taken from the website: The Chapel is, to our knowledge, the only medieval structure in the entire Western Hemisphere dedicated to its original purpose: Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam."

There is a stone inside, against the back wall of the chapel that remains colder than the rest of the stone and is, to this day, unable to be explained. It's (and this could be wrong, forgive my memory) supposedly a stone (poratal) that Saint Joan of Arc herself prayed on regularly during her life (though the chapel itself is not believed to be one she visited). Several scientists over the years have attempted to explain why it remains colder, but so far no plausible explanation has been found. Here's a photo of it.

After we finished our tour we went outside and played in the grass with the girlies. It was wonderful. They are both growing up so fast and have some great (and distinct!) personalities.

We also took a day trip to Wisconsin Dells downtown, to visit the tourist shops and bum around, which we did very well. The rest of vacation we hung around and played video games, played with the girls, cooked for one another and talked a lot. It was relaxed, much needed, and very enjoyable.

Now, however, we're back to the grind of regular life. Which is good, but I shall miss my month. Tonight Randy has choir practice, and I've got loads of things to do, both here at work and home. I find myself looking forward to again having purpose in my life, which I suppose only makes sense.

Reflections

This month home with the girls has flown by. I haven't posted in awhile and it's not from lack of trying, but being a full time stay at home mom has been an experience. I spent their first month home with them and now this, their sixth. I love it. And I can't wait for it to end.

There have been several times this month I've felt like a terrible mother because I'm glad this home full-time thing is only temporary. I feel as though a truly good mom would cherish all this time and think going back to work is a horrible idea. But I do love them, more than anything in the world (except, you know, God and Randy). And we have such fun together as they start to sort out their little personalities, but they are constant.

I rarely have more than 4-5 minutes to myself before one of them needs something from me. Today, miraculously, they've taken both naps together, so I've taken a few minutes to myself to write. In any case, I know I'm not a horrible mother, but I do wonder at myself because I am glad I work outside the home. I will miss this time when it's over shortly, but these memories and wonderful to carry around with me.

This past weekend was Festivus, the gathering of Randy's siblings and their families at his parents' home in Urbandale, IA. It's the fourth year of this annual event and it was, in my opinion, the best yet. I had such a fabulous time.

We got there late on Thursday (around 10:30) and made the mistake of letting the babies play with everyone when we got there. It was sweet at the time, but it took us almost two hours to get the girls back to bed then later and there was much crying involved. Ah well.

Friday was a good day - lazy morning with some garage saling with Max and then a big group showing of HP6. And, again, they cut out my favorite Snape moment from the book. In HP4 it was when he showed his dark mark to Fudge, because it was a sacrifice on his part to go about reliving that shameful memento. And in HP6 it's when he yells two things at Harry - first - 'no unforgiveables from you, Potter' and 'Don't call me coward!'. Those two lines are so crucial to Snape - he's still teaching him to uphold Dumbledore's ambitions of the light and dammit -he'd just killed the ONE person who had never doubted him and Potter has the gall to call him coward. I knew in that moment that Snape was good when I was reading the book. But it was still a good movie.

The evening passed gently with a good dinner and an early night for both Randy and I as our allergies and the rough night previous had taken their toll. I'm sorry to say that both the girls have inherited our allergies as well. Mae seems to be more affected than Eve, but both of them have a hard time falling asleep due to congestion and their little nasal cavities are full the entire time we're there. I'm hoping they outgrow it, as it would make weeks at the grandparents slightly miserable. Right now it's not as bad as Randy's and mine, which leave us either miserable or out of our minds from the medication. Fortunately it's only a few days out of the year so it's bearable.

Saturday was a great day, with wonderful food, a family kickball game, secrets of the universe, and etc. My second favorite moment of the day was probably when I walked over to find 90% of the family watching my baby belly laugh at Luna jump at the leaves. Eve's belly laugh is a wonderful sound, so deep and infectious.

The kids games went well back at Dennis and Joanne's, too, with the ubiquitous fish pond and a boys vs. girls treasure hunt. But the best moment of the day happened when Elise and I took Eve to my room to change in her into her pjs and we ended up talking for hours. It was fabulous and just what we both needed. She is an amazing young lady, dealing with a lot (as is every high school girl), and she has a VERY good head about her and has wisdom on some subjects that astounds me. I am so very glad to have her as a niece and I love seeing the changes in her from that first time I met her and we played tic-tac-toe for over an hour to now, when we can talk for well over an hour.

Sunday, of course, crept up too quickly, but it was a good day as well and now we're home again for a few days until Nordic Fest. I didn't get anywhere near as much done as I wanted to this month, but I have gotten some wonderful time in with my daughters, and that's the important part.

Video post II

Here are a collection of videos from recent weeks.

Babies at Play I: Snippets of the girls playing by themselves, with us, and with one another.
Laughing with Dad: He's very good at getting giggles.
Water Babies II: A bath from earlier this evening.

Current favorite toy

Ok, so Randy and I have bought the girls exactly four toys since they were born. Don't worry, though, friends and family have come to the rescue and supplied us with many more. Here is their current favorite:

That's right, a plastic coffee tub. It's brightly colored, makes a VERY good drum and when tipped on its side it rolls away. All three are very high on the baby-approval list.

baby products review

So, I'm no expert. My babies are only six months old. However, unlike most moms, who go about things one at a time, I have two very different personalities living with me right now and, as such, I feel I'm somewhat qualified to give advice on baby needs. Karla & Grant - are you happy with your gate purchase? Because I stand by my gate - I'm still in love with it. At some point every day I still smile when I walk through the gate. In any case, here's my opinion on baby items:


The good (necessary):

• Crib (duh)

• Bassinet OR Moses basket (we did Moses baskets b/c my sister-in-law gave them to us. We purchased little mattresses for them and called it good. The girls shared one until they were a month old, and slept in their own until they were two months old. Then we finally switched to the crib.
• Bouncy Seat OR swing. Eve LOVED both the bouncy seat and the swing. Mae tolerates the swing and never enjoyed the bouncy seat, BUT you need somewhere you can strap them in and get them to fall asleep while you nap. The straps are essential so they don't end up like this:
• Saucer OR door jumper. Both of our girls LOVE both of these things. Every day we still spend a lot of time in both and they've been great for smiles.
• Play pen. Pack-N-Plays are both wonderful and horrible inventions. They take advanced degrees (I think three undergrad and four masters) to set-up. However, once they're up they're fabulous. Getting them down causes the same concern, so, unless aboslutely necessary - keep them set-up at all times. We're actually using my 28 year-old play pen b/c it's ten thousand times easier to use. I'm sure the babies are being exposed to all sorts of dangerous things, but so far they seem fine, so I'm not switching.
  
• Rocking Chair. Every house needs one. Period.
  
• Stroller/car seat/travel system. With twins this was kinda tricky to figure out, but in the end we went with a Graco double stroller and matching car seats. It's been great. the car seats snap right on to the stroller. The stroller has good shock absorbers, folds fairly flat fairly easily and everything works together well. PLUS, my HS classmate who has 2 1/2 year-old twins uses the exact same stroller, so I know it's good for the long haul.
  
• Buying diapers: I KNOW not everyone has access to this -but here are my opinions of diapers: Huggies are GREAT, but overpriced. Costco's Kirkland's are just generic Huggies (these are my first choice). Luvs are ok, they're my second choice. Pampers always seems to give Mae rashes, but it's all we used in the hospital. White Cloud (Sam's club generic) are generic Luv's. Walgreens brand are HORRIBLE. Never, upon pain of death, use these on your children. I don't care how cheap they are. Both girls broke out in a rash within 24 horus of using them.
• Toys: Start small. The interlinking plastic rings (24/approx. $4) and fabulous for everything and still occupy the girls daily. Blankets with tabs on all sides are also fascinating early on. Also have a couple different car seat toys to alternate.
• BOPPY. I am a boppy convert. When we were registering I thought they were ridiculous and for the first three weeks we didn't have one. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. Ridiculous. THIS is a fabulous product. I was able to stick a baby under both arms and breastfeed Mae on one side and bottlefeed Eve on the other. Randy could bottle feed them both. It's fabulous. Now we use it for helping catch Eve when she falls over (she's good at sitting, not great)
• Baby blankets (and lots of them) It's a good thing a lot of people give blankets, b/c we used them all - especially in the cold Midwest winter. I think at last count we had 23 different blankets of varying material, size and patterns. And each one is well used.
  
• Crib toys: We only have a mobile (that the girls cannot reach) in the crib and they do just fine. The crib is for sleeping, not playing, so IMO, keep the distractions in the crib to a minimum.
• Gate. We have two dogs. Two wonderful energetic dogs. Who just now are beginning to live in rooms other than the kitchen. Did I mention they're also patient? So, check out this post to see my opinions on gates.
  

Unnecesary items:

• Baby wipe warmer. Unless you plan to bring it with you always, you're really just training your baby to be pampered. What happens when you're out at Wal-mart in the winter and you change their diaper? Screams. I've seen it happen. They get used to what they have. I'm a no frills mom, and this is total frills. Don't waste your money and don't register for it.
  
• Bottle warmer. There were times this would have been really useful, but overall, we just didn't have space and time for a bottle warmer. So, for breastmilk, Mae just took it straight from the source and I just pumped early for Eve. Otherwise, we make their formula up just ahead of time, most of the time. The rest of the time they've just learned to take it chilled. They've never really minded - not even in the middle of the night.
• Everything on the list above. We do have everything above, but we also have two babies, so we need more distractions.
  

My number one tip:

DO NOT BUY ANY OF THESE THINGS NEW. (ok, ok, you can buy new diapers). And maybe the ring toys. And rocking chair. OK - anything that's normally over $30 - look for it used. Ask family (hint, hint, Jeni), check craigslist, shop garage sales. People were extraordinarily generous with us, so between that and garage sales we've only spent money on the consumables (diapers, formula, wipes).

I'll bet I have a lot more opinions, but this is what I can come up with for now. Enjoy and let me know where you disagree, or where you have a differing opinion. I'll try to post on clothing and bedding needs soon.

Oh - the one thing I do not place any limits on nor begrudge Randy for purchasing are books. The more the better. LOVE books.

One more tip - start thinking now what lullaby you want to sing to them. Singing is intregal to bedtime. I sing 'Baby Mine' from Dumbo and started doing it when they were two days old. Now, when I start singing that song they stop what they're doing, look at me, smile and quiet down. Eve even starts to close her eyes, even if she's not all that sleepy. Brilliant!

Love Begins Here

I am now about 24 hours removed from my first mission trip, Love Begins Here, and I had an amazing time. The following quote, from Mother Teresa, was the inspiration for the trip,

"And so here I am talking with you - I want you to find the poor here, right in your own home first. And begin love there. Be that good news to your own people. And find out about your next-door neighbor - do you know who they are?"

The idea, of course, being that before we can go out and save the world by doing work elsewhere we need to first take care of the rest of us. It was ideal for our parish, since, for liability reasons we won't be doing far away mission trips.

I took a group of 11 kids, seven of which were from SJB, the others were friends and relatives of parishioners. It was a great group: Kayla, Megan, Heather, Jessica, Danielle, Madilyn, Angelina, Matt, Slade, Dylan, and James. We stayed the week at a house (the family was on vacation) - all 30 of us with no air conditioning (they don't have it) and worked on a site in east Madison. If you want more details of the trip itself, here's the Love Begins Here blog.

But my impressions are great. The leaders were amazing. Lindsay, whom I'm briefly worked with as a fellow youth minister proved herself to be a great organizer. Gina, who I met at Youth 2000 was a fabulous motivator. Michael was steadfast and solid presence and Jeff was a sort of spiritual leader. All four are fabulous young adults and I am so glad I had the chance to work with them this past week.

It was also odd to the be the oldest person there, at 28. Also, the only married one and, thusly, the only parent. I was surprised at how being a mother has changed my perception of service. The selflessness that is inherent in being a parent carries over quite well to service work. I've long admired Mother Teresa, but I've always known that I couldn't do the work the Missionaries of Charity do. However, now that I am a mother and I've cleaned up the most helpless of the helpless my perception has changed. The idea of serving the poorest of the poor no longer disgusts me, or seems impossible. The selflessness of service is inherent in being a mother. I was surprised how it hit me.

I was also struck by how the kids responded to daily mass- they enjoyed it by the end of the week. Not all of them, of course, but enough of them acquired an appreciation for it that we'll be going on Tuesday this coming week and many of them are making plans to attempt o get there at least once a week now.

I also enjoyed getting to know these young people. They are not the church of tomorrow, they are the young church of today. Their faith and willingness to grow in that faith is what keeps me working as I do. I see good people, willing to give their time and comforts and routine for others. Especially others who live somewhat similiarly to them - the home we worked on was in a neighborhood like the ones they live in. It was the same size as the one they live in. And it was good for them to see how the people near them - in their own community, needed their help.

I also realized a big part of the 'why' behind why I'm Catholic and why I enjoy it and continue to explore it. When a topic captures my attention I try to find out everything about it; comic books, Harry Potters, movies I enjoy, the Barnevald tornado, etc. I research, read, learn as much as I can about whatever has currently caught my interest. And the same goes with Catholocism. But there is so much out there that every time I think I've got something cornered and figured out a question gets posed to me, or an article will mention something I'm not familiar with and off I go again. And there is so much out there about the Catholic faith - 2,000 + years - to keep me occupied.

This past week was very good for me as much as the kids I brought and I am so very glad I was given the opportunity to help the family and grow spiritually, and work together with our group of 30 to attempt to do some good in this word and spread the good news of Jesus risen from the dead.

An angry Roman soldier

Ok, so this week is our vacation bible school at work and I'm playing Brutus, St. Paul's house guard. And every day the kids come and visit Paul in his home and he shares with them one of God's lessons, usually something like "God's love is a gift", etc.

And yesterday, the first day, I was gruff and grumpy and told them to leave Paul alone, or they'd end up chained to me, too (Paul and Brutus have a chain connecting their ankles) and then I told them to stay away from the dangerous Christians.

Apparently, I was scary. I scared some 4 year-olds to the point where one of the group leaders mentioned it at the end of the day and this morning a few more adults mentioned they had talked about Brutus with their kids.

I feel awful. I don't mean to sound inflated about myself, but I pride myself on being kind and gentle to kids and I would never want to scare them - I was just trying to be grumpy. The older kids got it - some of them were trying to make me laugh (I just glared at them), but a few of the 4 year olds were very wary of me today. So I toned it down big time. And still some little kid was overheard saying he was scared when the soldier yelled. I did not yell or even get close to it - that I would swear on the Bible.

I feel terrible. There's this little pit in my stomach that clenches when I think about it. Actually-more than that - I feel bad for the kids I do know who don't understand why I won't smile at them when they come into Paul's house, because normally I'm very smiley and I know about 1/3 of the kids from church stuff and school. The 2nd graders on up understand, but there are a few kindergartners who are confused, I can tell.

Of course, then there are the 3rd and 4th graders who try to pass Paul weapons (something I specifically told them not to do!) just to see what I'll do.

I'm having a good time, but thank goodness I get converted by the end and get to smile and be happy; I'm not very good at being grumpy, I feel bad about it.

I'll try to post a pic of me in costume sometime this week. Then you can decide whether I'm intimidating or not.

Six Years!

That's right...yesterday marked the six year anniversary of our marriage! Man oh man, that's a respectable number. No longer newlyweds by anyone's definition, we're in it for the long haul!

And what a day it was! Since the actual date of our marriage I think I've worked every year, except last year. When I was at Empire it was almost always one of our busiest weekend days, or else it fell during the week of our super busy end-of-grad-season push. This year it fell on the last day of our parish festival, when I work the little kids' games with the confirmation students.

But, it is what it is. When I got home Randy had already chilled the bottle of white wine we had purchased in Italy on our honeymoon and we ordered in delicious Italian food and, with one baby in my arms and another rolling around on the floor we had a wonderful dinner to sit and talk with one another.

Admittedly I went to bed five minutes after the girls, so we didn't watch our customary movie, but I was sick, sunburned, mildly buzzed, and mother of almost-six-month-old twins, so by 9 p.m. I was passed out in bed. Not the most romantic ending to the day, but that's ok.

Randy and I have been told several times by several married couples that the 'newlywed glow' will burn out, but I don't think we've gotten there yet. I used to think all those cards, songs, people who said their husband was their best friend were lame, but he is. We have so much fun picking on each other, making fun of each other, hanging out, and yet we do our own things, too, and everything works out.

We still have the occasional fight. I'd say maybe 1-3/year that are actual fights. And they're not yelling fights, just one of us takes an oppositional stand on an issue and refuses to budge. But even then we never go to bed angry. I think maybe once in our entire marriage have we've done that. No, I'm still blissfully happy and wildly in love with him.

We both talk about one another constantly to other people; probably to the point where it annoys other people. Ah well. I respect him tremendously and think he's brilliant and smart, and handsome, and kind, and a good dad, and very thoughtful and just all around wonderful. I'm so glad we have each other.

And even though some anniversaries will be spent at swim meets with the kids, like my friend Sue did for her anniversary, I know we will always take time to acknowledge one another and our commitment to one another.

More house guests

My family is coming today! Since Wendy had her baby last week we've been relying on the kindness of family. Mom, Dad & Kate are all arriving in a few hours to help out this week. Of course, Kate's only staying until tomorrow morning so she can get back to IC for a drug test (it's a good thing, trust me).

The girls will be in heaven. So much attention! I think we may have to order pizza, since I'm not sure I have the energy to make that much food. My ovarian cysts are back, apparently. I noticed it first on Saturday afternoon, but thought nothing of it; I hadn't eaten very well the night before and assumed it was stomach cramps.

However, by Sunday afternoon that very specific pain in my right ovary was there. Ouch! I also have general cramping, which I never get, so, I have a prescription for painkillers waiting for me to pick up after work today. I hope, like last time, they shrink back down after a week, because this is not fun. It's still odd to me that I can feel my ovaries, because it's seems an odd thing to experience. Stomach - of course. Lungs, duh. Uterus, occasionally, but feeling my ovaries is like feeling my spleen, or liver.

I just want to be out of pain. My ankle is finally at about 90%, so once I get past this I might be able to actually start working out, which would be amazing. I plan on bundling the girls into the burley and going bike riding on a regular basis.

Saturday night we had our second official date since the girls were born. I say official, because we've used lots of babysitters with the girls, but it's always been for work related things. But Saturday was a date. Dinner and a movie, again. We're not exactly creative.

We saw 'Up'. What a lovely movie. I laughed, I cried, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was a delight of a movie. I don't think there's been a Pixar movie yet I haven't liked. It's just such a simple method of storytelling. My only complaint was this movie contained a few more obvious laughts than most - like the 'Dogs Playing Poker' reference and little things like that. But such fun, all the same.

Nerdiness confirmed

So I won a contest over at Baby on Bored. I rarely, if ever, win contests, but it was for two snarky books on parenting and the guidelines were simple: what's your guilty pleasure? So, I wrote mine down, press 'post' and let my freak flag fly high and proud.

What was my guilty pleasure? Most of the women there posted about a glass of red wine, faking a stomach ailment to get some alone time in the bathroom, popping a big zit, reality tv. Nope. Not odd or guilty enough to win the contest.

Dale picked Divamommy who likes to shampoo her carpet to drown out the noise of the kids.

"I love that Divamommy finds 'guilty pleasure' in cleaning. Thunderously loud, escapist cleaning. It's a sort of overachieving guilty pleasure, as opposed to just, say, just swallowing ice cream."

Me? Well, Teen Titans fan fiction. Now you all know. Or maybe you don't. Teen Titans...don't know who they are? Well - the photo here is of the cartoon characters, however, they were originally a DC Comics title starrign Robin (Dick Grayson of Batman & Robin), Kid Flash, and Aqualad. They were shortly joined by Wonder Girl and Speedy (Green Arrow's sidekick). In other words - a sort of junior Justice League. (Please don't make me define the Justice League...just google/wikipedia it).

Fan fiction is fiction written by fans. The most prolific site is Fanfiction.net. Currently there are over 23,000 fics for Teen Titans, though most are crap written by pre-teens and have no plot, so character development and are short fan-love fics that aren't worth reading. (omigosh I'm critiquing Teen Titans fanfic).

In any case, other the past few months I've really gotten into Batman and the whole DC Comics universe. I even recently bought my first comic book - Battle for the Cowl #3. Whenever I go to Barnes and Noble or a used bookstore I go first to the graphic novel/comic book section to check out their selection.

Randy, of course, encourages this wholeheartedly, since, as he says, it makes me officially the coolest wife ever. I play video games and read comic books.

I think it just makes me a huge nerd. And now that I'm basking in the afterglow of my victory, I don't think I'll stop. So, there. I'm flying my freak flag mighty high right now.

A musing.

I can feel myself becoming more boring. As a number of people in my age group, I use facebook and have able to grant friend requests to a number of classmates from high school and beyond (there are only a couple people I would deny a request from) and, in turn, always go check out their profiles. And compared to many of my classmates I lead a relatively boring life.

Many of my friends have photos posted from adventures in other countries, vacations in fun locales in the states, nights at bars, concerts, exciting projects for work. Some of my best friends have amazing adventures that I catch only snippets of.

And though I love my life, there is a part of me that longs for that sort of adventure. Now, I know perfectly well I have traveled to other countries. And bars and concerts are usually too loud for me since, as I prefer conversations to parties. But, parts of my heart hurt when I think of my routine life with little excitement to offer.

I do love my life; please do not think I begrudge my beautiful children or my amazing husband. But there are times I feel as though some parts of life have flown past with barely a nod in my direction.

I think it is most likely a natural occurrence to, at this point in my life, take stock at what has occurred and feel some regret for what will never be. I am now always and ever a mom and wife. And I would not exchange that for all the riches in the world.

But my day is very centered around my own little corner of the world. I get up, go to work, come home, play with my family and go to bed. Every day is a routine on that. The little adventures Randy and I used to take before the pregnancy won't really happen until the kids are a little older.

I think there's just a bit of regret going on because it's summer and I'm silly. I do want a grand adventure, but between babies, money, physical limitations it just won't happen right now. And that's all right.

I am...

Was there any surprise? Hello?! Linguistics major :)


Your results:
You are Uhura

Uhura 75% Deanna Troi 70% Beverly Crusher 60% Chekov 55% Jean-Luc Picard 50% Geordi LaForge 50% James T. Kirk (Captain) 45% Will Riker 45% Mr. Scott 40% Data 27% Worf 25% Spock 24% Mr. Sulu 15% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 10% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 5%

You are a good communicator with a pleasant soft-spoken voice. Also a talented singer.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

gearing up...

...for a busy June. I've been spending the morning getting things situated since a lot is going on:

our babysitter is having her fourth child (a little boy) this weekend
my parents and in-laws will be assisting us every week in June b/c of it
we have vacation bible school
I have the mission trip with 11 HS kids
our parish festival
working a graduation ceremony or two
prep work for the fall

So, I need to be super organized to get through it. And I will. I'm already making to-do lists, since they always make me feel better. Of course, the fact that I can't put any weight on my left ankle and my left hand has severe tendonitis, too is cramping my style a bit, but I'll get over it. I have to.

That's why this past weekend, filled with babies, brats, parties, farmer's market, etc. was such a welcome respite before this crazy month. I'm looking forward to it, I will admit, but I know I'll miss what little sleep I have. Ah well. Life as a mommy, I suppose.

These little ladies continue to amaze me. Mae has started sleeping on her belly, which bothered me so much the first two nights because 'back to sleep' has been so ingrained in me, but she sleeps better. Since she started doing it she no longer wakes up halfway through the night. In fact, that little slug-a-bed slept almost twelve hours last night. And Eve just gets funnier and funnier.

Mae has always been our flirter out in public, but she does get easily startled (I love 'scaring' her b/c it takes about five seconds for her to register amusement rather than fear. But Eve just starts smiling right away when I roar, or make surprise faces. What fun! And she's starting to actually eat some of the cereal, rather than just push it back out with her tongue. New skills!

They are such good social babies. Today when I showed up to drop them off at the sitters another little boy was there, staying without his mom for the first time and he wasn't dealing with it very well. Wow. I couldn't imagine that...our lives are so hectic with work that our girls have (aside from Tues. & Wed. at the sitters) spent at least 30 afternoons/evenings with different sitters, friends, family, etc.

That whole adage of 'it takes a village' is very true for us. Without the communities we belong to we would be lost. Instead, I've got a list 15 deep of people I trust to hang out with the girls for a couple hours when we need it. And because we've done it since birth, these two little ladies (thus far) have been just fine with it.

Ok. Enough of this lolly-blogging around. I've got work to do.

Water babies!

Here is some video from yesterday...it was gorgeous, so we put the girls in their suits, filled up the pool and shamelessly exploited them for your video enjoyment.

exercise

I am in pain right now. Joint pain almost everywhere, most of it tendinitis. My ankles, my knees, my left elbow, both shoulders, and left hand. Wow. What a mess I am! I'm currently in PT for my left ankle, and that has helped some with both, since I do the exercises on both sides, but it do find it difficult to find time to do the exercises in the morning, when I need to stretch out for the day, since my days start so early.

And I know part of the problem in my weight. However, in order to lose weight I need to start moving more...in order to start moving more I need to not in pain. See the cycle here?

However, I think I'm almost to a point where I can go bicycling, which will be a good thing, because as soon as these little girlies can sit up by themselves we will go for a bike ride most mornings in the burley we borrowed from Aunt Jen. Bicycling and swimming are my two favorite activities, but seeing as our lakes get disgusting by the end of June and there's only one public pool in Madison and none in Waunakee, I'm somewhat limited. Lodi has one I will use with the girls, but they'll still need supervision (duh!), so it's not like I can just drop them off and then swim laps.

I am getting tired of my squooshy belly. And the extra weight. I wanna lose it. The weight I mean, not my mind. I've given up on that for that time being. :)

H1N1...a.k.a. 'Run for the hills!'

Ok, so Lodi schools will be closed starting tomorrow for the H1N1 virus b/c of one confirmed case...last week. Seriously? What do they think the kids will be doing while out of school? Hanging around home by themselves? *laughter* They'll be getting together with one another and spreading germs the same as if they were all together. And the incubation period has already passed...if other kids were gonna get sick, they're already infected. Yep, let's turn the kids loose during the spring, when the school year is winding down. No mischief will occur. None.

I checked the CDC website, too, for the Region V report. There are currently more people still getting ill from A & B strain of the regular flu, rather than the 'novel flu' as this is termed. In fact, nine infants have died in the past six months from the regular flu. H1N1...no one in the state of Wisconsin has died.

The regular flu cut a wider swath through the state than this. I remember the two weeks the flu hit Waunakee, because I got hit with it. The girls were two months old and I was miserable. I could barely make it through the day and about 1/3 of our classrooms were empty. But the schools stayed open. But ONE kid and *plhhbpt* school's out. I'm pretty sure it happened b/c of pressure from parents, since I know the superintendent of schools for the disctrict and he seems a very-level headed man not prone to over-reacting.

And, like a good parent, I called my doctor's office. As soon as I mentioned why I was calling I could hear the nurse give a polite, restrained sigh. Yes, they'd been culturing people all day for it. No, there really didn't seem to be much reason to be overly concerned. So long as the girls appear fine, don't worry about it. If anything changes, yes, of course, bring them in. etc. etc. etc.

So, I've done my parental duty. I'm complained about it, and now I'm done.


EDIT: Ok, apparently there are five confirmed cases. And school will likely be closed for the remainder of the week.
Oh, and it's a great day for Wisconsin, people. The state went officially smoke-free in all work places! Hoo-ah! *big deep breath*

Happy mom = happy babies?

That's what everyone keep telling me. Every time I take the girls out in public they're smiling, flirting, and quiet (except for squeals of laughter and happiness). And every trip someone mentions that a happy, relaxed mom makes for happy, relaxed babies.

So, I think it's more of a 'chicken or the the egg' scenario, since I feel the reason I'm able to be so relaxed and happy is because is because my babies are happy and good little babies. (I can't say relaxed, since Mae rarely is :)

In any case, I AM a happy mom. I must've psyched myself out before they were born, because I thought it was going to be awful. But, from the beginning, they have been a joy to raise. I know it won't always be this way...like when they start moving in two opposite directions, and when they discover make-up, and boys, and etc...but it won't be bad, just different.

I never EVER even thought about being a mother to twins, but now I couldn't imagine it any other way. Two little smiles greeting me in the morning. Two little faces to cover with kisses. Two little laughs to brighten my day, and four little arms holding me close. Twin are a blessing.

expectations

so I know I just posted a few hours ago, but tonight I had to pull Mae out of the crib and give her the bottle for about five minutes before she would actually give up and fall asleep. And while she was sleeping I starting thinking how perfect she was, and sinless, and beautiful. And I started to tear up (I do admit I had a shot of rum in me at this point) because I am not perfect. I feel so inadequate next to her perfection. And the idea that she will grow up thinking I'm beautiful and the most wonderful woman in the world is overwhelming, because I am a very imperfect person. That's part of the power of being a mom.

back rub, bath, and a beer...

that's what I really wanted this evening. Instead I got babies, bathtime, and boogers all over me. :) I had a long day photographing two grads (don't worry, I promise I'm not going back to empire, just earning a little extra dough!)

And although I will admit the cases weren't nearly as heavy as I remember, nor was holding the camera up as difficult (that's what hefting two car seats with 14 pounds of baby do for you!), I still used muscles I'm not used to.

And, b/c Randy is doing overnight church stuff I'm on my own tonight. Which is ok. After all, I got my two girls, which is always a plus. And then I decided to be adventurous and take a bath with them. We did it one at a time, with the other sitting in a bouncy seat just outside the tub. Now, previously, Mae had never gotten through a bath without screaming, but she seemed to enjoy this one. She was definitely fascinated with the bubbles. And Eve was quite taken with the concept of splashing.

Booger are from leaving Eve on her stomach too long after we got out of the bath...the steamy air plus gravity just pulled those boogers right out :)

I won't be able to have a beer, but I think we still have some mudslide stuff around. I just have to wait for Mae to drift off and then it's all fair game. A good day's work deserves some kind of reward, after all.

What I love...

...about Eve:

-Her smiles that seem as though we're sharing a secret, when I first go to get her out of the crib in the morning.
-Her impossibly soft, fair skin
-That extra roll of chunk on her thighs
-her hoarse little voice when she's crying
-the way she flails her arms and legs in tandem
-that when we take naps together in the morning she leans in so that our foreheads and noses are touching, because that's how she and Mae sleep most of the time.
-her serious face when she's eating...don't get in the way!
-the squeal she makes if the bottle has to be taken away mid-meal
-the way she looks in yellow & green
-how proud she was of herself this morning when she rolled from back to front for the first time
-how much she loves Robin Pink II (a stuffed frog, named after Randy's childhood stuff frog)
-that she belly laughed at her sister last night
-her big tell-tubby birthmark on top of her head
-the little birthmark on her left foot big toe
-her impossibly big blue eyes
-her lack of coordination with her hands
-how her legs still, just barely, tuck under butt from the womb
-that she hates direct sunlight, and whines when even put in it briefly
-that she loves the opening to 'Mr. Sandman' (bum bum bum bum bum bum...etc)
-that she holds her left ear with her fingers when she gets sleepy
-that she grabs her ankles more than her feet and rolls to the side often because of it
-when she gets overstimulated, in crowds or with company, she simply falls asleep to avoid them
-that she prefers daddy
-her round little belly
-how strong her neck is
-how much she wants to sit up
-the smile on her face when I pull her up into a sit
-the 'oh oh oh' sound she makes when Daddy puts her under the shower
-that she will sit for 45 minutes in the bouncy seat, just watching the world go by

...about Mae

-her super big, I-have-to-look-to-the-side-because-I'm-so-excited smile
-the cowlick that sits at the front of her hair, making it part directly in the middle and stand straight up.
-her super long legs (90th percentile)
-her new little shrieks and blasts of happy thoughts
-how she goes "swimming in good feelings" when she's on her belly
-that she can rolls 360 degrees...front to back to front
-her face when she looks in a mirror (she's a very vain little baby)
-her muffled noises when I give her the blanket to play with
-her angry barks when I don't have her food ready and waiting when she's hungry
-that she doesn't know the meaning of the world "relax"
-the concentration on her face when I show her the pacifier
-her coordination skills when she's spotted the pacifier in her sister's mouth (she's pulled it out at least ten times in the past week)
-her reaction when I showed her a rose yesterday (OMG, I NEED that)
-the way she watches the dogs
-that she likes it when I swish my hair over her face
-that peek-a-boo scares her
-the way she pushes her butt up out of the car seat when she's in a bad mood and we have to go somewhere
-that she can hold her bottle about half the time
-the way she smiles when I Velcro-swaddle her for the night
-that she loves to sleep on her side
-the way she looks in purple
-that she HATES baths, but loves showers
-the fascination she has with books
-the way she flirts with everyone, giving big smiles
-the way she watches Brooklyn when I drop her off at the babysitter (Brooklyn is exactly one year older than the girls)
-her tongue, which is omnipresent
-that she plays so hard all day and yet doesn't let herself rest much
-the way her legs latch themselves around my arm when I feed her (my little monkey)

Things I miss out on...

...as a mother of twins. I was recently perusing the message boards over at a motherhood site where they were talking about what they miss most from the newborn days and I read through everything b/c I was interested, having just left them.

One mother said she missed being able to put the newborn in the stroller, walk down to the coffee shop, sit and drink coffee, then stroll back, nurse, put in a movie and nap.

I sat back, shocked. Is this was singleton motherhood is like? Let me break down that statement from a twin's point of view:

1. Singleton: Put the newborn in the stroller. Twins: My huge behemoth stroller handles both my girls just fine, but can be tricky to maneuver and doesn't fit very well in coffee shops with all their little tables and chairs.

2. Singleton: Walk down to the coffee shop. Twins: Well, this one really isn't her fault...I live in Wisconsin where we have all four seasons and the girls were born in December.

3. Singleton: Sit and drink coffee. Twins: Someone is going to need something about halfway through my coffee. Then, the second one is going to need something. Then the first one again.

4. Singleton: Nurse. Twins: One will nurse, but not enough for a whole meal, most likely, and the other one doesn't nurse at all, so I'll use both hands and bottle feed them at the same time in the world's most uncomfortable position because Mae always turns her head to the side and spills half her meal so I'll have two burps cloths - one around her neck and one underneath her. And Eve will need to be burped at least three times during the course of three oz. which can be tricky when doing it one handed, since if I interrupt Mae in her meal she'll scream.

5. Singleton: Put in a movie and nap. Twins: HA! Ok, usually between 2:30-4:00 they would both fall asleep together for a long nap, so I could nap as well. The rest of the time right about the moment one fell asleep the other would wake up. So, movies...I didn't have the patience to watch them and napping...hahahahaha.


But yet I cherish the newborn time with my girls. Those first two weeks, when Randy was home with us the entire time are especially meaningful for me, as we all got to know one another.

And I'm not complaining about having them both (well, maybe a little), but I was caught off-guard at how easy having only one baby sounded in that post. These little ladies of mine are wonderful girls, but there are two of them at all times. Even now the only real down time is from 8:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. when they're both down no matter what. After 1 a.m. one or both of them may wake up, but Randy and I relish the five hours prior.

I love having twins and I am VERY grateful I had them first so I don't know any better. I don't know it could be simpler. Next time (yes, I'm already talking about next time) there will only be one and the girls will be old enough to help out. Then I'll get to drink coffee, watch movies and take care of 4 year-old twins and a newborn. Doesn't that sound relaxing?

love

This morning I was listening to a radio talk show I never listen to, as I normally can't stand the pedantic ramblings of mostly incoherent hosts and the mind-numbing relation of hip-hop hollywood gossip, but as I switched through, attempting to find music, the question was asked of one of the hosts 'What's the best part of being a mother?'

In the split second before the female host responded my answer came to me - LOVE. Not my love for them; rather their love for me. Half a second later, the host responded the same. That unconditional love our children have for us is the best natural high imaginable.

Right now it is expressed with high-pitched shrieks, big smiles, bubbles, and cessation of crying. Soon enough there will be two little voices saying 'I love you' in sweet voices. And there will be hugs, and sticky kisses and chubby-armed hugs. That will be followed by reluctant hugs and kisses, which will be followed by occasional hugs and kisses, but more frequent eye rolls and shrugs, and then big hugs and kisses as they once again realize the importance of Moms in their world.

And I look forward to each stage with relish. The thoughts of all those stages excite me. Love. A four-letter word of the most-wonderful kind.

L-O-V-E.

This poem always made me giggle when I was younger; it's by the estimable Shel Silverstein:

L-O-V-E

Ricky was "L" but he's home with the flu,
Lizzie, our "O," had some homework to do,
Mitchell, "E" prob'ly got lost on the way,
So I'm all of love that could make it today.

Mother's Day

And so we sit, me at the computer and Randy killing dirty commies at the end of my first Mother's Day with babes in my arms. Technically, it's my second Mother's Day and since I've been thinking of her all day, I'm going to write about my first little girl, Adi.

I first found out I was pregnant the day after we got back from Mexico City in Oct. 2007. We were extremely excited since we'd just started trying a month earlier. In our excitement we were able to wait only three weeks (making it the fourth week) before we started telling everyone. And I do mean everyone. People at our parish, our family, co-workers, friends, etc. So much joy in our lives because of this pregnancy.

I was very careful and ate exactly as my pregnancy said to. I exercised exactly as I read. I did everything by the book. And then Dec. 3rd we had Randy's confirmation Mass and dinner afterwards with the Bishop. I began spotting during the mass and halfway through dinner I was definitely bleeding. We made our excuses and listened to congratulations from the bishop as fear gripped my heart about the life growing in me.

We called the nurse hotline; I had no cramps, so things should be fine. I made it through the night, barely. The next day was much the same. Bleeding, but otherwise ok. Then, that night after dinner the cramps started. And I began bawling.

First thing the next morning they had me and Randy come in for an ultrasound. I was at the eight week mark. While there I used the restroom and passed a huge amount of tissue. Gripping a rosary in my hand Randy and I waited, hands clutched, until the doctor came in. I vaguely remember hearing the sounds 'empty sac' and 'spontaneous abortion'. Even now, my heart is clenching in rememberance of the hurt we experienced.

They gave us a packet of info on miscarriage and sent us to the lab for a blood draw. We were both crying tears openly as we sat there, trying to process the loss of the pregnancy. The one bright point was the stupid song 'Drummer Boy' - the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie started playing while we were waiting.

On our way home I told Randy to pack up all the baby books and magazines and etc. that were in the house. I couldn't deal with looking at any of it just then. We picked up lunch and headed home, calling our families and employers. Those were some of the hardest phone calls I've ever made.

Slowly, the weeks went by and my bleeding let up. In the brochures they'd given me there was a suggestion to assign a gender and name to the baby to help us heal. I thought that sounded like a bunch of heeby jeeby bullshit. Instead, I focused on getting better and not stressing out too much about getting pregnant again.

But I kept bleeding. For two months I had intermittent spotting. The night before I was going to go in to the doctor for further help I found the baby's body. It had, beyond all likelihood, stayed in me for the past two months, but there she was.

In that instant, as my strangled voice called out to Randy to come quickly, as I held her little inch long body, I knew, certain as I had ever been about anything, that this was my daughter. She was mostly a dark red blob, with tiny arms, legs, and tail. The doctor said she'd had stopped developing around six weeks. But there she was, in my hand.

We immediately called our priest, wondering just what the hell we were supposed to do next. He recommended we call our doctor the following morning but, for the time being, say a prayer over her body. We did. And we saw the doctor and made arrangements for her tiny body to be buried with all the other miscarried and stillborn babies at the cemetary during one of the twice-annual services our hospital has.

I had also been in counseling for grief at this point, too, but the closure I received at having held my daughter was cleansing and I felt brand new again. I chose the name Adi because it is sanskrit for 'first'. First of many, I am now sure.

I felt weird at the time, assigning a gender and name to my daughter, but in the moment, it seemed the most natural thing to do. As a Catholic I am, of course, raised to believe that life begins at conception and therefore worthy of protection and love. And while I have always believed it, I had never truly KNOWN it until that night I held Adi in my hand.

And so, today, as I stood for the blessing at Mass, and as I received my gift from my girls, I reflected on how my first girl, whom I never met in person, is just as beloved as my twins. Being a mother is already the most amazing thing I have done, and I know I've barely started.

Rather a maudlin post for Mother's Day, but Adi is never far from my thoughts, and she has been most present today of all days. I love my daughters.

quiet time

I miss it. I am a morning person. Have been...even when I was a teenager it wasn't the end of the world for me to get up early. Camping was the best - that crisp air and quietness before the rest of the world joined me.

And over the past few years of my marriage I learned to relish that early morning time as my own. That time when I could make myself a cup of tea, have a can of V8, check my email and just chill out.

Now I get up even earlier (before six most mornings), but my time is currently not my own. The girls wake up between 5:30 and 6:30 almost every morning. And while I lament the loss of my contemplative time, seeing their faces break into a smile simply because I entered their field of vision makes it worthwhile.

Besides, only thirteen short years and they'll start sleeping in again and my mornings will be reclaimed.

cereal...the dinner of champions

We started the girls on cereal yesterday evening, since we got the go-ahead from our doctor on Friday. Randy mixed up the very thin cereal for their first feeding and I got them both situated in their bumbos...BTW, I've getting a little tired of all these baby creations started with the letter "B"...boppy, bumbo, burley...but that's another post.

Randy videotaped it while I attempted to feed them with the spoon. Mae definitely grasped the general concept, but she was too hunger to mess with this new stuff we were trying. And Eve
seemed confused, but not upset about the whole thing.

After a couple minutes we gave up b/c Mae started to cry and we poured the cereal into their bottles, which they both took readily. I know it'll be messy, but so far it's fun.

5 things I believe...

I like the idea of lists far more than I care to admit, since it doesn't take a large amount of creativity to complete it. Ah well.

5 things I believe...

1. I believe in soul mates, because I found mine.

2. I believe my mother's cooking can cure whatever ails you.

3. I believe baby laughter could bring about world peace.

4. I believe Coke is the elixir of life.

5. I believe life is a great adventure.

s-h-o-t-s

Friday was a big day. The girls spent the morning with a parishioner while I organized/sorted through our guest bedroom/dining room/catch-all room and then we spent the early afternoon shopping and then to the doctor's office for their four-month check-up.

They did fairly well the whole day, too. They were all smiles for Loree, which is excellent. And they were very happy babies until the shots. I had completely forgotten about the four month shots. I was just sitting there, all happy-go-lucky, playing with Mae and watching Eve when all of a sudden a look of complete and utter betrayal displayed itself on my sweet little Eve's face.

I have been able to distinguish their cries for almost two months now, and I have never heard my baby cry like that. When I bumped her head on the crib a month ago it came close, but never have I heard a cry of such pain occur. My heart broke into a million little pieces as I watched her get poked three times, with two little drops of blood spilling forth.

I immediately set her sister down, who by this time realized something was up and began whimpering herself, and held Eve close to me, telling her it was all right now and kissing her cheeks. After awhile she calmed down and just sniffed her little nose and held onto me.

Meanwhile, the same horrible situation occurred for Mae, who looked even more betrayed than Eve had, but Mae cries more in general, so her tears, while still horrible, were not the heart-breaking ordeal of a few minutes prior.

Soon I had both girls in my lap, covering them in mommy kisses and rubbing their backs. After a couple minutes they were both fine again and we departed. It shouldn't be that traumatic and difficult to watch them get shots, but I think it's the idea of purposely saying - go ahead, hurt my baby - that just gets me.

I KNOW I'm over dramatizing it and I'm glad they have their immunizations, but it was an odd feeling, watching my babies be hurt, even if only temporarily.

The rest of their appointment went well. Mae is 12 lbs 9 oz. & 25 inches long. Eve is 13 lbs 2 oz. & 24 inches long. Mae's head is slightly larger than Eve's (40.9 to 39.2 cm), but nowhere near the huge difference there was when they were first born. My little chunker is catching up!

They continue to be very healthy and we got the go ahead to start cereal this week...so we'll start tomorrow evening when we're both home. I have a general feeling that Mae will immediately take to it while Eve will grudgingly get used to it. We'll see.

It's the little things...

So, I feel rather foolish by this admission, but my life has been changed in a not insignificant way by the purchase of a new gate from the kitchen to the rest of the house.

This is the new, wonderful, amazing, stupendous, fabulous, great gate. Purchase for $50 and overpriced-baby-items-R-us. However, in this particular instance, I feel the actual value far exceeds the dollar amount.

For the previous five years we had suffered through this kind of gate. Horrible. It falls down constantly, is too high to easily climb over, after a few falls to the floor it gets out of wack of the tracking and just generally is not a good thing. Of course, it's the cheapest one out there. We cursed it. We actually cursed a wooden and plastic gate...that's how deep the arrgravation went.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. We have our tax refund money and I was determined to buy a decent gate. And it worked. I installed it in a matter of minutes and now I am rather embarassed at how easy life is with the new gate.

Going to the kitchen is no longer such a hassle. Letting the dogs into the rest of the house is easy. The gate is hands free...just use a foot and knee to nudge it open. That means I can have a baby (or two) in my arms and not be hindered in my movement...(well, by the gate...the tendinitis is another thing).

So, that's that. Wonderful gate. Ridiculous warm fuzzy feelings for an inanimate object. I don't care. :)

30 things

30 things I'm looking forward to experiencing with my daughters:

1. Visiting the Dane County Farmer's Market on the capitol square
2. Riding in a red wagon.
3. Watching their father teach them to fish.
4. Going to the zoo.
5. Making pancakes on Sunday mornings.
6. Sleepovers.
7. Fingerpainting.
8. Drawing with sidewalk chalk.
9. Playing hopscotch.
10. Building towers with blocks and then knocking them over. Repeatedly.
11. going to Disneyworld.
12. Coloring books, outside the lines.
13. Decorating the Christmas tree.
14. Having them turn the pages of the books while I read them.
15. Finding one of them napping with the dogs.
16. making sugar cookies with them.
17. Showing them the secret recipe to our family spaghetti sauce.
18. Seeing their faces after a fun day with Aunt Kate.
19. blowing bubbles.
20. jumping rope
21. camping at national parks on vacation.
22. making meatballs.
23. seeing their outfits when they dress themselves.
24. coaching their t-ball team.
25. going to their piano recitals.
26. planting a garden.
27. kissing skinned knees.
28. chasing a rainbow.
29. watching them teach Daddy the different Disney princesses
30. going for bike rides.

In your Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it...

These are wonderful babies. Easter was a breeze. It was the first big car trip...five hours total from Madison to Des Moines, followed by two full days of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, etc.

And the only time they cried for more than a few whimpers was when I bumped Eve's head against the crib trying to get her out in the morning...oh, the the previous morning when she's had a hard bubble stuck. Otherwise - happy, squealing babies.

Eve started belly laughing on Sunday. I was in the kitchen, helping get the meal ready when I heard that most beautiful sound. Grandpa and cousin Zane were playing with her on the floor. Big belly laughs.

They were so well behaved during the Holy Week masses....we only missed the Vigil, which is a good things, since it tends to get fairly long. And they were super cute in their Easter dresses and bonnets.

I just can't believe how blessed we are to have these lovely girls. Maybe the trade-off for us was twins, but because we're so busy, they're going to be even-tempered, healthy little things.

Oh, but they did inherit their parents' cat allergies. My allergy seems to have gotten worse during my pregnancy...now my airways constrict, even with medication. So, I was very much hoping the girls would be spared. After all - this house is not kept super clean, there are two dogs living here, and I don't exactly keep them out of the dirt.

But both mornings they woke up very congested which indicates an allergy. And they haven't woken up all snotty since we've been back home, so it wasn't a cold or anything. Darnit. I'll keep working on getting them immune to it, since otherwise spending a week with Grandma and Grandpa wouldn't exactly be a treat.

And to finish - here is a pic of them from Easter Sunday.

Chunker Monker & String Bean

Those are the current nicknames for my girls. Eve, who started off as the little one, weighing a pound less than her sister, has, in the past two months, soared ahead, likely weighing close to 14 pounds now. String bean, on the other hand, is constantly moving, and therefore weighs less, probably right around 12, maybe 12.5.

And the smiles....my goodness, the smiles. I can't wait for laughter to accompany those toothless grins. We're starting to get occassional squeals out of them, though generally such fun noises are reserved for when they're looking at each other.

They are such happy babies...which everyone tells me is because I'm such a relaxed mom. I don't know about that...I think I was able to relax because they were, and continue to be, such good babies. The sleep thing isn't quite worked out yet, as they've gone back to shorter shifts, but otherwise - these babies are very even-keeled.

Girls clothing is going to me my downfall, though. I will admit, selfishly, to a moment of disappointment when we found out they were both girls. I had really wanted a boy...especially two. Now - I couldn't imagine not having these wonderful ladies in my life.

But it IS a LOT of pink. Apparently clothes manufacturers think we live, drink, eat, sleep pink. I have not been quiet in expressing my opinion to families and friends who may buy us clothes that pink is not a favored color in this house. But - 80% of the clothes out there are pink.

And not even a fun pink, like magenta, but pastel pink. Yeah - everyone talks about bright colors stimulate babies' brains, but they make the clothing all pastel until they're a year old. Ok...using the word 'all' was an exaggeration. But the vast majority of clothing for little babes is not bright and vibrant. As a mother - it gets old. I wear bold colors (when I'm not hiding out in form-flattering black). Fortunately, my sister found very adorable BRIGHT sun dresses for the girls and at the huge resale last weekend I was able to find a few bright outfits, so there's hope.

In the meantime, Eve is currently hanging out in one of my outfits from when I aws a baby (it's bright yellow) and Mae is dressed is purple. She looks good in purple and I currently save all purple outfits for her. The same way I save the yellow outfits for Eve. They just look better, in my opinion.

Mae just woke up from her mid-morning snooze to smile at me. She gets so excited while smiling she has to look away. Fantastic. And Eve is propped in the boppy right next to her, sound asleep. They sleep all cuddled up to each other at night, too. So flippin' adorable.

Love these babies. Love them so much.

Video post

Well, the girls continue to prove elusive at recording their interactions...but here's what I've got. Enjoy.


And here's a second one just of the two of them talking...Randy took it last night while I was making dinner.

I have a sister?!

They noticed each other! Friday I caught Eve looking intently at Mae and this morning, after everyone had finished breakfast I laid them on the floor by one another and left the room...when I returned it was to find the two of them with their heads turned toward one another, cooing and smiling at each other. Eve even let out a little squeal, a sound she's never made for Randy or me.

I'll try to post video as soon as I catch them at it. It is beyond adorable. My heart already melts when they smile me...I could hardly stand it when they started talking to one another.

Twins rule.

these babies need some culture!

So, we took the babies to their first orchestra & choir concert last night at the high school...I'd been invited by one of my youth. We started off great, just sitting quietly, feeding the babies. But then Eve decided it was a night for her to be fussy, so Randy took her out.

That left me and Mae. Mae decided the choir was missing something so she tried to fill in all of the quiet spots with her little barks. So we left the auditorium, too. In fact, as I type this, she is again trying to convince that I was wrong and no one would have minded her vocalizations. I keep telling her she's still currently tone deaf, but she's not believing me.

But, we tried. The concert was good, the little bit of it I heard and it was good to get out. But apparently these babies are not yet impressed by culture. Silly babies.

can I get a hey-o?

Hey-o!

So, I skipped out early on work today...I was only there for 2.5 hours. IN MY DEFENSE...I worked 35 hours between Friday 5 p.m. and Monday morning, so there. And I am still in physical pain from this weekend. But it's all ok. Why, because I got the power of Jesus. Yep...that's right. Jesus.

Still reading? I'm impressed. After all, religion, especially personal witness stories are something our society tends to look away from out of embarrassment or disinterest. And, I'm pretty much the same. Unless it's one of my teenagers talking, I'm not big on searching out people's personal testimonies about their relationship with Christ.

But this weekend was great and I need to write about it because I want to preserve a bit of it. The retreat this weekend, Youth 2000, was good. It was a bunch of really intense Catholic stuff. But the important thing is that some of the kids who attended truly felt Jesus present with us and it changed their lives.

They feel the purpose they have now in this world. They know it's not just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. I don't know how many people read this blog, and it doesn't really matter, but I'm sure some people who read it think religion is ridiculous and Catholicism is the root of all the world's evil.

Not true.

Religion/Faith is good. It's the people who sin and screw it up. Ok, not all religion is good. Obviously cults can be dangerous. But, that's again dependent on the people who practice the faith. The Catholic faith, truly followed and explained, is beautiful. Over the past five years as I've gotten to know the faith and not just the stereotypes I have been able to see that. And there are a lot of incorrect stereotypes and a LOT of misconceptions, even among us Catholics about our faith.

So, seeing 250-300 high school kids being able to be in a positive experience with their faith is powerful.

But, sitting on a gym floor for 10 hours or kneeling on that same floor for six or seven hours over the course of a day does nothing to my body but remind me how old I'm getting. I feel 70 years old today. MAN, I'm creaking and cracking, and aching and pills are doing nothing.

It's funny, even as I type this entry I'm censoring because I'm worried about what people will think of me after reading it. Will they dismiss me as another lunatic Jesus freak? If we're friends will that relationship begin to diminish?

It's interesting how typing this and publishing it into the great void that it the internet can have the potential for a profound effect...or none whatsoever. But, the effect I saw this weekend of those students being able to see their faith as the most important things in their lives was beautiful.

After all...at it's absolute simplest Catholicism is about love. Jesus taught us to love God and love one another. Love is the meaning of life. Love is beautiful. Love is not simple, though. But from love comes peace. And peace is beautiful.

The world has never truly given peace a chance. All those who throughout history have preached love and peace have been killed because there are those who feel it is a dangerous message. It's not dangerous, but it is radical.

Love and peace are also counter-cultural. We are taught by advertising and etc. that our goal is to be selfish and listen to what everyone else is doing. What is important is the exact opposite. We need to reach out to one another. To truly have neighbors. To know the people in our lives. To love them. Not like. Not tolerate, but LOVE. Love our friends, love our neighbors, but even more importantly - love those who are different from us. It is easy to love those who love you back. But what about those who are different from us? It is more difficult and more necessary.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

What a beautiful concept.

church babies

So, both my husband and I work for the Catholic Church (wait, don't go running for the hills, we're not creepy about it, it's really just a way to hang out and teach kids without having to get a teaching degree...) And because of this we, obviously, spend a great deal of time at our respective churches. Consequently, so do our babies.

These babies (and, by proxy, us) have been so blessed and anticpated and taken care of by these two amazing communities. The saying 'it takes a village' is beyond true in our case. Before the babies were born I had help from our families in setting up whenever I had class. My parents volunteered to chaperones events and on trips so I wouldn't have to go (even though I usually really enjoy it). Since the babies have arrived we've been inundated with well wishes.

We didn't cook the first month the girls were alive. People at both parishes organized meals for us, plus our fellow youth ministers at other parishes brought food. What an amazing thing. It meant we didn't have to resort to cereal and toast, but could have a great meal of cowboy casserole and spend time with our babies.

Gift-wise, it was almost embarassing. People are so generous. We have so many lovely soft blankets, adorable outfits (Randy and I haven't needed to buy anything), books - shelves of them already, and everything else we could want or need for our babies.

Everyday I give thanks to God for these amazing parish families we have been gifted with. Families who offer to watch the girls for an evening, high schol girls offering to babysit when we need it, offers of help in any way shape and form.

Yes, whenever we go to church we draw a croud, but I feel it's only proper thank you. I let these babies be passed around. I hand them over to our priests to give myeslf a free moment. I let the girls of our parish coo over them. I take them to committee meetings, mass, class. Anything and everything. They can't be pastors' kids b/c we're catholic, but they're the next best thing.

And it has made our first three months with the girls wonderful. I think because they're out so much (thinking about the past two week - these little babies are only home 2-3 nights/week) they get tired and they get to meet all kinds of new people and be out in groups of people and since they don't want to miss anything they tend to stay up and not really nap.

We somehow got lucky and have managed to sleep-train them without crying it out all on our own. Now, I know things are liable to change, but for almost two months now they've slept 5-6 hours a night together. We feed them around 11 p.m., swaddle them and put them in the crib. Within 10 minutes they're asleep and they stay that way until 6 or so, depending on when exactly we put them down. I know that's unusual but it is greatly apperciated.

These silly babies are so wonderful. And we get to show them off to Grandma and Grandpa Hansen tonight for a fish fry! The girls' first Wisconsin fish fry! Fun times!

a giggle, an honest to goodness giggle

Last night, during the half hour Randy and I were actually home together Eve laughed twice! Randy was playing with and she laughed! haha! What a beautiful sound!

Mae is starting to talk more now, as well, though Eve still has the market cornered. Mae's my smiler, still. I love how different they are!

And, because I don't feel like typing any more right now I'll just post photos from this morning's smile session.

Can you say 'mama'?

I'm already working on the girls, since usually the first word is 'dada' simply because it's easier to make alveolar sounds than bilabial (see, I AM using my linguistics deree!) Of course, Randy's first word was 'agua', so who knows.

But they are talking so much every day now...by talking I actually mean cooing and gurling. Eve even does back-and-forth talk with both Randy and I. Mae is more content to let out a little bark of noise now and again, but she breaks it smiles constantly.

Yesterday morning Eve was in a good mood and I put her back in the crib while I got ready...when I came back out she was captivated by the mobile over their bed and was smiling at it. Right now Eve is chillin like a baby villian in her boppy while Mae is resting briefly in her bouncy seat. Lovely little things.

I need to start going to bed at a decent hour...I've been staying up until midnght so that I can spend some meaningful time with my husband once he gets home around 10 p.m., but screw that, I need some sleep. Thankfully, the babes are still regularly sleeping until 6 a.m., which is beyond fabulous, but sleep is a good thing.

It's raining again, which is fine, except I feel bad for the farmers. The ground hasn't yet completely thawed AND the water tables are still full from the past year and a half so there's no where for the water to go. It's just sitting in the fields.

Ok. To work!

the Watchmen

Watchmen.

A short review.

I love superheroes. ALways have. When I was a little girl I wore my Wonder woman undershirt and underwear every day. Mom had to take the shirt off me when I was asleep and wash it during the night.

I religiously watched 'Lois & Clark', even when it got really bad and cheesy. I watched Batman: The Animated Series cartoons and always went to see the summer blockbuster movies.

Apparently I am a DC kinda girl, since I started out with Wonder Woman, moved onto Superman in my teens, and have been a Batman fan since my early twenties. Now I'm becoming more interested in Nightwing (a.k.a. Dick Grayson, the first Robin) and I'm actually planning to start reading comic books.

Randy informs me this would officially make me the coolest wife on the planet. Apparently playing video games and reading comic books, among other things, rank pretty high on the cool list.

But, in any case, what prompted this post was seeing 'Watchmen' last night. I'd heard great things about the graphic novel and, as stated, love superhero movies. Plus, despite my initial fears I LOVED 300 and this is done by the same director, so I figured we should see it.

And it was ok. Story wise it's definitely dense and I understand the term 'unfilmable' that was given it. There were several times during the film I felt as things were flying over my head. But, the other thing, (and this is staying true to the original story), is that the Watchmen were not good people. Well, not all of them.

But in stark contrast to Superman/Clark Kent, who is goodness embodied and even Batman, who has his no guns/no kill rule, the Watchmen are gritty almost anti-heroes. True vigilantes who have taken the law into their own hands. Now, obviously, Rorschach and the Comedian take it too far and and certainly more the anti-hero than Dr. Manhattan and Ozymandias and certainly more than Silk Spectre and Nite Owl, but the only character I really liked was Nite Owl. The rest had such character flaws that, to a certain extent, I agreed with Nixon (ah!) that they should be stopped.

BTW - the names and costumes for the watchmen were lame. Nite Owl? Seriously? Silk Spectre? the Comedian? and some of the original Minutemen names were goofy as well. Now, I know that 'Batman', Green Lantern, Red Hood, Nightwing, etc. aren't exactly the coolest names, but they were just kinda of lame ideas for heroes. Which, from the limited research I've done since seeing the movie last night, sort of is backed up.

These people became heroes because the criminals started wearing masks, so they figured they might as well, too, to even the playing field. It's an interesting take, since, other than Dr. Manhattan, none of them are metas (have special powers). However, the reason Batman continues to be my favorite superhero is that he doesn't have any powers.

I mean, the man is invited to joint he Justice League without powers. With Superman and Wonder Woman he basically runs it. How awesome is that? Seriously.

So, besides that, the movie was, at times, a little too graphic for my tastes. Although I do still consider '300' war porn, the violence was strictly historical and fantasy. This film is much more gritty and uses modern-weapons, like guns, knives, etc. And it has violence against women and children, which I never do well with.

All in all, I'm glad I saw it, but I'll stick with the caped crusader and the rest of the Bat family, occasionally straying back to original superhero...Superman.

I dig blue tights.