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You are Uhura
| You are a good communicator with a pleasant soft-spoken voice. Also a talented singer.  |
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I am...
Was there any surprise? Hello?! Linguistics major :)
Your results:
You are Uhura
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test
Your results:
You are Uhura
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
gearing up...
...for a busy June. I've been spending the morning getting things situated since a lot is going on:
our babysitter is having her fourth child (a little boy) this weekend
my parents and in-laws will be assisting us every week in June b/c of it
we have vacation bible school
I have the mission trip with 11 HS kids
our parish festival
working a graduation ceremony or two
prep work for the fall
So, I need to be super organized to get through it. And I will. I'm already making to-do lists, since they always make me feel better. Of course, the fact that I can't put any weight on my left ankle and my left hand has severe tendonitis, too is cramping my style a bit, but I'll get over it. I have to.
That's why this past weekend, filled with babies, brats, parties, farmer's market, etc. was such a welcome respite before this crazy month. I'm looking forward to it, I will admit, but I know I'll miss what little sleep I have. Ah well. Life as a mommy, I suppose.
These little ladies continue to amaze me. Mae has started sleeping on her belly, which bothered me so much the first two nights because 'back to sleep' has been so ingrained in me, but she sleeps better. Since she started doing it she no longer wakes up halfway through the night. In fact, that little slug-a-bed slept almost twelve hours last night. And Eve just gets funnier and funnier.
Mae has always been our flirter out in public, but she does get easily startled (I love 'scaring' her b/c it takes about five seconds for her to register amusement rather than fear. But Eve just starts smiling right away when I roar, or make surprise faces. What fun! And she's starting to actually eat some of the cereal, rather than just push it back out with her tongue. New skills!
They are such good social babies. Today when I showed up to drop them off at the sitters another little boy was there, staying without his mom for the first time and he wasn't dealing with it very well. Wow. I couldn't imagine that...our lives are so hectic with work that our girls have (aside from Tues. & Wed. at the sitters) spent at least 30 afternoons/evenings with different sitters, friends, family, etc.
That whole adage of 'it takes a village' is very true for us. Without the communities we belong to we would be lost. Instead, I've got a list 15 deep of people I trust to hang out with the girls for a couple hours when we need it. And because we've done it since birth, these two little ladies (thus far) have been just fine with it.
Ok. Enough of this lolly-blogging around. I've got work to do.
our babysitter is having her fourth child (a little boy) this weekend
my parents and in-laws will be assisting us every week in June b/c of it
we have vacation bible school
I have the mission trip with 11 HS kids
our parish festival
working a graduation ceremony or two
prep work for the fall
So, I need to be super organized to get through it. And I will. I'm already making to-do lists, since they always make me feel better. Of course, the fact that I can't put any weight on my left ankle and my left hand has severe tendonitis, too is cramping my style a bit, but I'll get over it. I have to.
That's why this past weekend, filled with babies, brats, parties, farmer's market, etc. was such a welcome respite before this crazy month. I'm looking forward to it, I will admit, but I know I'll miss what little sleep I have. Ah well. Life as a mommy, I suppose.
These little ladies continue to amaze me. Mae has started sleeping on her belly, which bothered me so much the first two nights because 'back to sleep' has been so ingrained in me, but she sleeps better. Since she started doing it she no longer wakes up halfway through the night. In fact, that little slug-a-bed slept almost twelve hours last night. And Eve just gets funnier and funnier.
Mae has always been our flirter out in public, but she does get easily startled (I love 'scaring' her b/c it takes about five seconds for her to register amusement rather than fear. But Eve just starts smiling right away when I roar, or make surprise faces. What fun! And she's starting to actually eat some of the cereal, rather than just push it back out with her tongue. New skills!
They are such good social babies. Today when I showed up to drop them off at the sitters another little boy was there, staying without his mom for the first time and he wasn't dealing with it very well. Wow. I couldn't imagine that...our lives are so hectic with work that our girls have (aside from Tues. & Wed. at the sitters) spent at least 30 afternoons/evenings with different sitters, friends, family, etc.
That whole adage of 'it takes a village' is very true for us. Without the communities we belong to we would be lost. Instead, I've got a list 15 deep of people I trust to hang out with the girls for a couple hours when we need it. And because we've done it since birth, these two little ladies (thus far) have been just fine with it.
Ok. Enough of this lolly-blogging around. I've got work to do.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Water babies!
Here is some video from yesterday...it was gorgeous, so we put the girls in their suits, filled up the pool and shamelessly exploited them for your video enjoyment.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
exercise
I am in pain right now. Joint pain almost everywhere, most of it tendinitis. My ankles, my knees, my left elbow, both shoulders, and left hand. Wow. What a mess I am! I'm currently in PT for my left ankle, and that has helped some with both, since I do the exercises on both sides, but it do find it difficult to find time to do the exercises in the morning, when I need to stretch out for the day, since my days start so early.
And I know part of the problem in my weight. However, in order to lose weight I need to start moving more...in order to start moving more I need to not in pain. See the cycle here?
However, I think I'm almost to a point where I can go bicycling, which will be a good thing, because as soon as these little girlies can sit up by themselves we will go for a bike ride most mornings in the burley we borrowed from Aunt Jen. Bicycling and swimming are my two favorite activities, but seeing as our lakes get disgusting by the end of June and there's only one public pool in Madison and none in Waunakee, I'm somewhat limited. Lodi has one I will use with the girls, but they'll still need supervision (duh!), so it's not like I can just drop them off and then swim laps.
I am getting tired of my squooshy belly. And the extra weight. I wanna lose it. The weight I mean, not my mind. I've given up on that for that time being. :)
And I know part of the problem in my weight. However, in order to lose weight I need to start moving more...in order to start moving more I need to not in pain. See the cycle here?
However, I think I'm almost to a point where I can go bicycling, which will be a good thing, because as soon as these little girlies can sit up by themselves we will go for a bike ride most mornings in the burley we borrowed from Aunt Jen. Bicycling and swimming are my two favorite activities, but seeing as our lakes get disgusting by the end of June and there's only one public pool in Madison and none in Waunakee, I'm somewhat limited. Lodi has one I will use with the girls, but they'll still need supervision (duh!), so it's not like I can just drop them off and then swim laps.
I am getting tired of my squooshy belly. And the extra weight. I wanna lose it. The weight I mean, not my mind. I've given up on that for that time being. :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
H1N1...a.k.a. 'Run for the hills!'
Ok, so Lodi schools will be closed starting tomorrow for the H1N1 virus b/c of one confirmed case...last week. Seriously? What do they think the kids will be doing while out of school? Hanging around home by themselves? *laughter* They'll be getting together with one another and spreading germs the same as if they were all together. And the incubation period has already passed...if other kids were gonna get sick, they're already infected. Yep, let's turn the kids loose during the spring, when the school year is winding down. No mischief will occur. None.
I checked the CDC website, too, for the Region V report. There are currently more people still getting ill from A & B strain of the regular flu, rather than the 'novel flu' as this is termed. In fact, nine infants have died in the past six months from the regular flu. H1N1...no one in the state of Wisconsin has died.
The regular flu cut a wider swath through the state than this. I remember the two weeks the flu hit Waunakee, because I got hit with it. The girls were two months old and I was miserable. I could barely make it through the day and about 1/3 of our classrooms were empty. But the schools stayed open. But ONE kid and *plhhbpt* school's out. I'm pretty sure it happened b/c of pressure from parents, since I know the superintendent of schools for the disctrict and he seems a very-level headed man not prone to over-reacting.
And, like a good parent, I called my doctor's office. As soon as I mentioned why I was calling I could hear the nurse give a polite, restrained sigh. Yes, they'd been culturing people all day for it. No, there really didn't seem to be much reason to be overly concerned. So long as the girls appear fine, don't worry about it. If anything changes, yes, of course, bring them in. etc. etc. etc.
So, I've done my parental duty. I'm complained about it, and now I'm done.
EDIT: Ok, apparently there are five confirmed cases. And school will likely be closed for the remainder of the week.
Oh, and it's a great day for Wisconsin, people. The state went officially smoke-free in all work places! Hoo-ah! *big deep breath*
Happy mom = happy babies?
That's what everyone keep telling me. Every time I take the girls out in public they're smiling, flirting, and quiet (except for squeals of laughter and happiness). And every trip someone mentions that a happy, relaxed mom makes for happy, relaxed babies.
So, I think it's more of a 'chicken or the the egg' scenario, since I feel the reason I'm able to be so relaxed and happy is because is because my babies are happy and good little babies. (I can't say relaxed, since Mae rarely is :)
In any case, I AM a happy mom. I must've psyched myself out before they were born, because I thought it was going to be awful. But, from the beginning, they have been a joy to raise. I know it won't always be this way...like when they start moving in two opposite directions, and when they discover make-up, and boys, and etc...but it won't be bad, just different.
I never EVER even thought about being a mother to twins, but now I couldn't imagine it any other way. Two little smiles greeting me in the morning. Two little faces to cover with kisses. Two little laughs to brighten my day, and four little arms holding me close. Twin are a blessing.
So, I think it's more of a 'chicken or the the egg' scenario, since I feel the reason I'm able to be so relaxed and happy is because is because my babies are happy and good little babies. (I can't say relaxed, since Mae rarely is :)
In any case, I AM a happy mom. I must've psyched myself out before they were born, because I thought it was going to be awful. But, from the beginning, they have been a joy to raise. I know it won't always be this way...like when they start moving in two opposite directions, and when they discover make-up, and boys, and etc...but it won't be bad, just different.
I never EVER even thought about being a mother to twins, but now I couldn't imagine it any other way. Two little smiles greeting me in the morning. Two little faces to cover with kisses. Two little laughs to brighten my day, and four little arms holding me close. Twin are a blessing.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
expectations
so I know I just posted a few hours ago, but tonight I had to pull Mae out of the crib and give her the bottle for about five minutes before she would actually give up and fall asleep. And while she was sleeping I starting thinking how perfect she was, and sinless, and beautiful. And I started to tear up (I do admit I had a shot of rum in me at this point) because I am not perfect. I feel so inadequate next to her perfection. And the idea that she will grow up thinking I'm beautiful and the most wonderful woman in the world is overwhelming, because I am a very imperfect person. That's part of the power of being a mom.
back rub, bath, and a beer...
that's what I really wanted this evening. Instead I got babies, bathtime, and boogers all over me. :) I had a long day photographing two grads (don't worry, I promise I'm not going back to empire, just earning a little extra dough!)
And although I will admit the cases weren't nearly as heavy as I remember, nor was holding the camera up as difficult (that's what hefting two car seats with 14 pounds of baby do for you!), I still used muscles I'm not used to.
And, b/c Randy is doing overnight church stuff I'm on my own tonight. Which is ok. After all, I got my two girls, which is always a plus. And then I decided to be adventurous and take a bath with them. We did it one at a time, with the other sitting in a bouncy seat just outside the tub. Now, previously, Mae had never gotten through a bath without screaming, but she seemed to enjoy this one. She was definitely fascinated with the bubbles. And Eve was quite taken with the concept of splashing.
Booger are from leaving Eve on her stomach too long after we got out of the bath...the steamy air plus gravity just pulled those boogers right out :)
I won't be able to have a beer, but I think we still have some mudslide stuff around. I just have to wait for Mae to drift off and then it's all fair game. A good day's work deserves some kind of reward, after all.
And although I will admit the cases weren't nearly as heavy as I remember, nor was holding the camera up as difficult (that's what hefting two car seats with 14 pounds of baby do for you!), I still used muscles I'm not used to.
And, b/c Randy is doing overnight church stuff I'm on my own tonight. Which is ok. After all, I got my two girls, which is always a plus. And then I decided to be adventurous and take a bath with them. We did it one at a time, with the other sitting in a bouncy seat just outside the tub. Now, previously, Mae had never gotten through a bath without screaming, but she seemed to enjoy this one. She was definitely fascinated with the bubbles. And Eve was quite taken with the concept of splashing.
Booger are from leaving Eve on her stomach too long after we got out of the bath...the steamy air plus gravity just pulled those boogers right out :)
I won't be able to have a beer, but I think we still have some mudslide stuff around. I just have to wait for Mae to drift off and then it's all fair game. A good day's work deserves some kind of reward, after all.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
What I love...
...about Eve:
-Her smiles that seem as though we're sharing a secret, when I first go to get her out of the crib in the morning.
-Her impossibly soft, fair skin
-That extra roll of chunk on her thighs
-her hoarse little voice when she's crying
-the way she flails her arms and legs in tandem
-that when we take naps together in the morning she leans in so that our foreheads and noses are touching, because that's how she and Mae sleep most of the time.
-her serious face when she's eating...don't get in the way!
-the squeal she makes if the bottle has to be taken away mid-meal
-the way she looks in yellow & green
-how proud she was of herself this morning when she rolled from back to front for the first time
-how much she loves Robin Pink II (a stuffed frog, named after Randy's childhood stuff frog)
-that she belly laughed at her sister last night
-her big tell-tubby birthmark on top of her head
-the little birthmark on her left foot big toe
-her impossibly big blue eyes
-her lack of coordination with her hands
-how her legs still, just barely, tuck under butt from the womb
-that she hates direct sunlight, and whines when even put in it briefly
-that she loves the opening to 'Mr. Sandman' (bum bum bum bum bum bum...etc)
-that she holds her left ear with her fingers when she gets sleepy
-that she grabs her ankles more than her feet and rolls to the side often because of it
-when she gets overstimulated, in crowds or with company, she simply falls asleep to avoid them
-that she prefers daddy
-her round little belly
-how strong her neck is
-how much she wants to sit up
-the smile on her face when I pull her up into a sit
-the 'oh oh oh' sound she makes when Daddy puts her under the shower
-that she will sit for 45 minutes in the bouncy seat, just watching the world go by
...about Mae
-her super big, I-have-to-look-to-the-side-because-I'm-so-excited smile
-the cowlick that sits at the front of her hair, making it part directly in the middle and stand straight up.
-her super long legs (90th percentile)
-her new little shrieks and blasts of happy thoughts
-how she goes "swimming in good feelings" when she's on her belly
-that she can rolls 360 degrees...front to back to front
-her face when she looks in a mirror (she's a very vain little baby)
-her muffled noises when I give her the blanket to play with
-her angry barks when I don't have her food ready and waiting when she's hungry
-that she doesn't know the meaning of the world "relax"
-the concentration on her face when I show her the pacifier
-her coordination skills when she's spotted the pacifier in her sister's mouth (she's pulled it out at least ten times in the past week)
-her reaction when I showed her a rose yesterday (OMG, I NEED that)
-the way she watches the dogs
-that she likes it when I swish my hair over her face
-that peek-a-boo scares her
-the way she pushes her butt up out of the car seat when she's in a bad mood and we have to go somewhere
-that she can hold her bottle about half the time
-the way she smiles when I Velcro-swaddle her for the night
-that she loves to sleep on her side
-the way she looks in purple
-that she HATES baths, but loves showers
-the fascination she has with books
-the way she flirts with everyone, giving big smiles
-the way she watches Brooklyn when I drop her off at the babysitter (Brooklyn is exactly one year older than the girls)
-her tongue, which is omnipresent
-that she plays so hard all day and yet doesn't let herself rest much
-the way her legs latch themselves around my arm when I feed her (my little monkey)
-Her smiles that seem as though we're sharing a secret, when I first go to get her out of the crib in the morning.
-Her impossibly soft, fair skin
-That extra roll of chunk on her thighs
-her hoarse little voice when she's crying
-the way she flails her arms and legs in tandem
-that when we take naps together in the morning she leans in so that our foreheads and noses are touching, because that's how she and Mae sleep most of the time.
-her serious face when she's eating...don't get in the way!
-the squeal she makes if the bottle has to be taken away mid-meal
-the way she looks in yellow & green
-how proud she was of herself this morning when she rolled from back to front for the first time
-how much she loves Robin Pink II (a stuffed frog, named after Randy's childhood stuff frog)
-that she belly laughed at her sister last night
-her big tell-tubby birthmark on top of her head
-the little birthmark on her left foot big toe
-her impossibly big blue eyes
-her lack of coordination with her hands
-how her legs still, just barely, tuck under butt from the womb
-that she hates direct sunlight, and whines when even put in it briefly
-that she loves the opening to 'Mr. Sandman' (bum bum bum bum bum bum...etc)
-that she holds her left ear with her fingers when she gets sleepy
-that she grabs her ankles more than her feet and rolls to the side often because of it
-when she gets overstimulated, in crowds or with company, she simply falls asleep to avoid them
-that she prefers daddy
-her round little belly
-how strong her neck is
-how much she wants to sit up
-the smile on her face when I pull her up into a sit
-the 'oh oh oh' sound she makes when Daddy puts her under the shower
-that she will sit for 45 minutes in the bouncy seat, just watching the world go by
...about Mae
-her super big, I-have-to-look-to-the-side-because-I'm-so-excited smile
-the cowlick that sits at the front of her hair, making it part directly in the middle and stand straight up.
-her super long legs (90th percentile)
-her new little shrieks and blasts of happy thoughts
-how she goes "swimming in good feelings" when she's on her belly
-that she can rolls 360 degrees...front to back to front
-her face when she looks in a mirror (she's a very vain little baby)
-her muffled noises when I give her the blanket to play with
-her angry barks when I don't have her food ready and waiting when she's hungry
-that she doesn't know the meaning of the world "relax"
-the concentration on her face when I show her the pacifier
-her coordination skills when she's spotted the pacifier in her sister's mouth (she's pulled it out at least ten times in the past week)
-her reaction when I showed her a rose yesterday (OMG, I NEED that)
-the way she watches the dogs
-that she likes it when I swish my hair over her face
-that peek-a-boo scares her
-the way she pushes her butt up out of the car seat when she's in a bad mood and we have to go somewhere
-that she can hold her bottle about half the time
-the way she smiles when I Velcro-swaddle her for the night
-that she loves to sleep on her side
-the way she looks in purple
-that she HATES baths, but loves showers
-the fascination she has with books
-the way she flirts with everyone, giving big smiles
-the way she watches Brooklyn when I drop her off at the babysitter (Brooklyn is exactly one year older than the girls)
-her tongue, which is omnipresent
-that she plays so hard all day and yet doesn't let herself rest much
-the way her legs latch themselves around my arm when I feed her (my little monkey)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Things I miss out on...
...as a mother of twins. I was recently perusing the message boards over at a motherhood site where they were talking about what they miss most from the newborn days and I read through everything b/c I was interested, having just left them.
One mother said she missed being able to put the newborn in the stroller, walk down to the coffee shop, sit and drink coffee, then stroll back, nurse, put in a movie and nap.
I sat back, shocked. Is this was singleton motherhood is like? Let me break down that statement from a twin's point of view:
1. Singleton: Put the newborn in the stroller. Twins: My huge behemoth stroller handles both my girls just fine, but can be tricky to maneuver and doesn't fit very well in coffee shops with all their little tables and chairs.
2. Singleton: Walk down to the coffee shop. Twins: Well, this one really isn't her fault...I live in Wisconsin where we have all four seasons and the girls were born in December.
3. Singleton: Sit and drink coffee. Twins: Someone is going to need something about halfway through my coffee. Then, the second one is going to need something. Then the first one again.
4. Singleton: Nurse. Twins: One will nurse, but not enough for a whole meal, most likely, and the other one doesn't nurse at all, so I'll use both hands and bottle feed them at the same time in the world's most uncomfortable position because Mae always turns her head to the side and spills half her meal so I'll have two burps cloths - one around her neck and one underneath her. And Eve will need to be burped at least three times during the course of three oz. which can be tricky when doing it one handed, since if I interrupt Mae in her meal she'll scream.
5. Singleton: Put in a movie and nap. Twins: HA! Ok, usually between 2:30-4:00 they would both fall asleep together for a long nap, so I could nap as well. The rest of the time right about the moment one fell asleep the other would wake up. So, movies...I didn't have the patience to watch them and napping...hahahahaha.
But yet I cherish the newborn time with my girls. Those first two weeks, when Randy was home with us the entire time are especially meaningful for me, as we all got to know one another.
And I'm not complaining about having them both (well, maybe a little), but I was caught off-guard at how easy having only one baby sounded in that post. These little ladies of mine are wonderful girls, but there are two of them at all times. Even now the only real down time is from 8:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. when they're both down no matter what. After 1 a.m. one or both of them may wake up, but Randy and I relish the five hours prior.
I love having twins and I am VERY grateful I had them first so I don't know any better. I don't know it could be simpler. Next time (yes, I'm already talking about next time) there will only be one and the girls will be old enough to help out. Then I'll get to drink coffee, watch movies and take care of 4 year-old twins and a newborn. Doesn't that sound relaxing?
One mother said she missed being able to put the newborn in the stroller, walk down to the coffee shop, sit and drink coffee, then stroll back, nurse, put in a movie and nap.
I sat back, shocked. Is this was singleton motherhood is like? Let me break down that statement from a twin's point of view:
1. Singleton: Put the newborn in the stroller. Twins: My huge behemoth stroller handles both my girls just fine, but can be tricky to maneuver and doesn't fit very well in coffee shops with all their little tables and chairs.
2. Singleton: Walk down to the coffee shop. Twins: Well, this one really isn't her fault...I live in Wisconsin where we have all four seasons and the girls were born in December.
3. Singleton: Sit and drink coffee. Twins: Someone is going to need something about halfway through my coffee. Then, the second one is going to need something. Then the first one again.
4. Singleton: Nurse. Twins: One will nurse, but not enough for a whole meal, most likely, and the other one doesn't nurse at all, so I'll use both hands and bottle feed them at the same time in the world's most uncomfortable position because Mae always turns her head to the side and spills half her meal so I'll have two burps cloths - one around her neck and one underneath her. And Eve will need to be burped at least three times during the course of three oz. which can be tricky when doing it one handed, since if I interrupt Mae in her meal she'll scream.
5. Singleton: Put in a movie and nap. Twins: HA! Ok, usually between 2:30-4:00 they would both fall asleep together for a long nap, so I could nap as well. The rest of the time right about the moment one fell asleep the other would wake up. So, movies...I didn't have the patience to watch them and napping...hahahahaha.
But yet I cherish the newborn time with my girls. Those first two weeks, when Randy was home with us the entire time are especially meaningful for me, as we all got to know one another.
And I'm not complaining about having them both (well, maybe a little), but I was caught off-guard at how easy having only one baby sounded in that post. These little ladies of mine are wonderful girls, but there are two of them at all times. Even now the only real down time is from 8:00 p.m. - 1:00 a.m. when they're both down no matter what. After 1 a.m. one or both of them may wake up, but Randy and I relish the five hours prior.
I love having twins and I am VERY grateful I had them first so I don't know any better. I don't know it could be simpler. Next time (yes, I'm already talking about next time) there will only be one and the girls will be old enough to help out. Then I'll get to drink coffee, watch movies and take care of 4 year-old twins and a newborn. Doesn't that sound relaxing?
Monday, May 11, 2009
love
This morning I was listening to a radio talk show I never listen to, as I normally can't stand the pedantic ramblings of mostly incoherent hosts and the mind-numbing relation of hip-hop hollywood gossip, but as I switched through, attempting to find music, the question was asked of one of the hosts 'What's the best part of being a mother?'
In the split second before the female host responded my answer came to me - LOVE. Not my love for them; rather their love for me. Half a second later, the host responded the same. That unconditional love our children have for us is the best natural high imaginable.
Right now it is expressed with high-pitched shrieks, big smiles, bubbles, and cessation of crying. Soon enough there will be two little voices saying 'I love you' in sweet voices. And there will be hugs, and sticky kisses and chubby-armed hugs. That will be followed by reluctant hugs and kisses, which will be followed by occasional hugs and kisses, but more frequent eye rolls and shrugs, and then big hugs and kisses as they once again realize the importance of Moms in their world.
And I look forward to each stage with relish. The thoughts of all those stages excite me. Love. A four-letter word of the most-wonderful kind.
L-O-V-E.
This poem always made me giggle when I was younger; it's by the estimable Shel Silverstein:
L-O-V-E
Ricky was "L" but he's home with the flu,
Lizzie, our "O," had some homework to do,
Mitchell, "E" prob'ly got lost on the way,
So I'm all of love that could make it today.
In the split second before the female host responded my answer came to me - LOVE. Not my love for them; rather their love for me. Half a second later, the host responded the same. That unconditional love our children have for us is the best natural high imaginable.
Right now it is expressed with high-pitched shrieks, big smiles, bubbles, and cessation of crying. Soon enough there will be two little voices saying 'I love you' in sweet voices. And there will be hugs, and sticky kisses and chubby-armed hugs. That will be followed by reluctant hugs and kisses, which will be followed by occasional hugs and kisses, but more frequent eye rolls and shrugs, and then big hugs and kisses as they once again realize the importance of Moms in their world.
And I look forward to each stage with relish. The thoughts of all those stages excite me. Love. A four-letter word of the most-wonderful kind.
L-O-V-E.
This poem always made me giggle when I was younger; it's by the estimable Shel Silverstein:
L-O-V-E
Ricky was "L" but he's home with the flu,
Lizzie, our "O," had some homework to do,
Mitchell, "E" prob'ly got lost on the way,
So I'm all of love that could make it today.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day
And so we sit, me at the computer and Randy killing dirty commies at the end of my first Mother's Day with babes in my arms. Technically, it's my second Mother's Day and since I've been thinking of her all day, I'm going to write about my first little girl, Adi.
I first found out I was pregnant the day after we got back from Mexico City in Oct. 2007. We were extremely excited since we'd just started trying a month earlier. In our excitement we were able to wait only three weeks (making it the fourth week) before we started telling everyone. And I do mean everyone. People at our parish, our family, co-workers, friends, etc. So much joy in our lives because of this pregnancy.
I was very careful and ate exactly as my pregnancy said to. I exercised exactly as I read. I did everything by the book. And then Dec. 3rd we had Randy's confirmation Mass and dinner afterwards with the Bishop. I began spotting during the mass and halfway through dinner I was definitely bleeding. We made our excuses and listened to congratulations from the bishop as fear gripped my heart about the life growing in me.
We called the nurse hotline; I had no cramps, so things should be fine. I made it through the night, barely. The next day was much the same. Bleeding, but otherwise ok. Then, that night after dinner the cramps started. And I began bawling.
First thing the next morning they had me and Randy come in for an ultrasound. I was at the eight week mark. While there I used the restroom and passed a huge amount of tissue. Gripping a rosary in my hand Randy and I waited, hands clutched, until the doctor came in. I vaguely remember hearing the sounds 'empty sac' and 'spontaneous abortion'. Even now, my heart is clenching in rememberance of the hurt we experienced.
They gave us a packet of info on miscarriage and sent us to the lab for a blood draw. We were both crying tears openly as we sat there, trying to process the loss of the pregnancy. The one bright point was the stupid song 'Drummer Boy' - the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie started playing while we were waiting.
On our way home I told Randy to pack up all the baby books and magazines and etc. that were in the house. I couldn't deal with looking at any of it just then. We picked up lunch and headed home, calling our families and employers. Those were some of the hardest phone calls I've ever made.
Slowly, the weeks went by and my bleeding let up. In the brochures they'd given me there was a suggestion to assign a gender and name to the baby to help us heal. I thought that sounded like a bunch of heeby jeeby bullshit. Instead, I focused on getting better and not stressing out too much about getting pregnant again.
But I kept bleeding. For two months I had intermittent spotting. The night before I was going to go in to the doctor for further help I found the baby's body. It had, beyond all likelihood, stayed in me for the past two months, but there she was.
In that instant, as my strangled voice called out to Randy to come quickly, as I held her little inch long body, I knew, certain as I had ever been about anything, that this was my daughter. She was mostly a dark red blob, with tiny arms, legs, and tail. The doctor said she'd had stopped developing around six weeks. But there she was, in my hand.
We immediately called our priest, wondering just what the hell we were supposed to do next. He recommended we call our doctor the following morning but, for the time being, say a prayer over her body. We did. And we saw the doctor and made arrangements for her tiny body to be buried with all the other miscarried and stillborn babies at the cemetary during one of the twice-annual services our hospital has.
I had also been in counseling for grief at this point, too, but the closure I received at having held my daughter was cleansing and I felt brand new again. I chose the name Adi because it is sanskrit for 'first'. First of many, I am now sure.
I felt weird at the time, assigning a gender and name to my daughter, but in the moment, it seemed the most natural thing to do. As a Catholic I am, of course, raised to believe that life begins at conception and therefore worthy of protection and love. And while I have always believed it, I had never truly KNOWN it until that night I held Adi in my hand.
And so, today, as I stood for the blessing at Mass, and as I received my gift from my girls, I reflected on how my first girl, whom I never met in person, is just as beloved as my twins. Being a mother is already the most amazing thing I have done, and I know I've barely started.
Rather a maudlin post for Mother's Day, but Adi is never far from my thoughts, and she has been most present today of all days. I love my daughters.
I first found out I was pregnant the day after we got back from Mexico City in Oct. 2007. We were extremely excited since we'd just started trying a month earlier. In our excitement we were able to wait only three weeks (making it the fourth week) before we started telling everyone. And I do mean everyone. People at our parish, our family, co-workers, friends, etc. So much joy in our lives because of this pregnancy.
I was very careful and ate exactly as my pregnancy said to. I exercised exactly as I read. I did everything by the book. And then Dec. 3rd we had Randy's confirmation Mass and dinner afterwards with the Bishop. I began spotting during the mass and halfway through dinner I was definitely bleeding. We made our excuses and listened to congratulations from the bishop as fear gripped my heart about the life growing in me.
We called the nurse hotline; I had no cramps, so things should be fine. I made it through the night, barely. The next day was much the same. Bleeding, but otherwise ok. Then, that night after dinner the cramps started. And I began bawling.
First thing the next morning they had me and Randy come in for an ultrasound. I was at the eight week mark. While there I used the restroom and passed a huge amount of tissue. Gripping a rosary in my hand Randy and I waited, hands clutched, until the doctor came in. I vaguely remember hearing the sounds 'empty sac' and 'spontaneous abortion'. Even now, my heart is clenching in rememberance of the hurt we experienced.
They gave us a packet of info on miscarriage and sent us to the lab for a blood draw. We were both crying tears openly as we sat there, trying to process the loss of the pregnancy. The one bright point was the stupid song 'Drummer Boy' - the version with Bing Crosby and David Bowie started playing while we were waiting.
On our way home I told Randy to pack up all the baby books and magazines and etc. that were in the house. I couldn't deal with looking at any of it just then. We picked up lunch and headed home, calling our families and employers. Those were some of the hardest phone calls I've ever made.
Slowly, the weeks went by and my bleeding let up. In the brochures they'd given me there was a suggestion to assign a gender and name to the baby to help us heal. I thought that sounded like a bunch of heeby jeeby bullshit. Instead, I focused on getting better and not stressing out too much about getting pregnant again.
But I kept bleeding. For two months I had intermittent spotting. The night before I was going to go in to the doctor for further help I found the baby's body. It had, beyond all likelihood, stayed in me for the past two months, but there she was.
In that instant, as my strangled voice called out to Randy to come quickly, as I held her little inch long body, I knew, certain as I had ever been about anything, that this was my daughter. She was mostly a dark red blob, with tiny arms, legs, and tail. The doctor said she'd had stopped developing around six weeks. But there she was, in my hand.
We immediately called our priest, wondering just what the hell we were supposed to do next. He recommended we call our doctor the following morning but, for the time being, say a prayer over her body. We did. And we saw the doctor and made arrangements for her tiny body to be buried with all the other miscarried and stillborn babies at the cemetary during one of the twice-annual services our hospital has.
I had also been in counseling for grief at this point, too, but the closure I received at having held my daughter was cleansing and I felt brand new again. I chose the name Adi because it is sanskrit for 'first'. First of many, I am now sure.
I felt weird at the time, assigning a gender and name to my daughter, but in the moment, it seemed the most natural thing to do. As a Catholic I am, of course, raised to believe that life begins at conception and therefore worthy of protection and love. And while I have always believed it, I had never truly KNOWN it until that night I held Adi in my hand.
And so, today, as I stood for the blessing at Mass, and as I received my gift from my girls, I reflected on how my first girl, whom I never met in person, is just as beloved as my twins. Being a mother is already the most amazing thing I have done, and I know I've barely started.
Rather a maudlin post for Mother's Day, but Adi is never far from my thoughts, and she has been most present today of all days. I love my daughters.
Monday, May 4, 2009
quiet time
I miss it. I am a morning person. Have been...even when I was a teenager it wasn't the end of the world for me to get up early. Camping was the best - that crisp air and quietness before the rest of the world joined me.
And over the past few years of my marriage I learned to relish that early morning time as my own. That time when I could make myself a cup of tea, have a can of V8, check my email and just chill out.
Now I get up even earlier (before six most mornings), but my time is currently not my own. The girls wake up between 5:30 and 6:30 almost every morning. And while I lament the loss of my contemplative time, seeing their faces break into a smile simply because I entered their field of vision makes it worthwhile.
Besides, only thirteen short years and they'll start sleeping in again and my mornings will be reclaimed.
And over the past few years of my marriage I learned to relish that early morning time as my own. That time when I could make myself a cup of tea, have a can of V8, check my email and just chill out.
Now I get up even earlier (before six most mornings), but my time is currently not my own. The girls wake up between 5:30 and 6:30 almost every morning. And while I lament the loss of my contemplative time, seeing their faces break into a smile simply because I entered their field of vision makes it worthwhile.
Besides, only thirteen short years and they'll start sleeping in again and my mornings will be reclaimed.
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