the letdown...

I went to my first retreat for me this past weekend.  I wasn't expecting any 'aha!' moments, as I feel deeply entrenched in my faith, but I need something like this to remind myself to give me permission to delve back in. 

And even though I tried really hard I could not just sit back and listen.  I made a conscios effort, but they all thought I was the table leader.  Come one, Abby.  Just once, take a back seat.  it isn't about you - it isn't about what you can offer.  It isn't about being the best, the flashiest, the most helpful - who said that being a leader is helpful?  Pretty sure Jesus asid the exact opposite. 

To serve is the great gift.  And yet I am struggling with parts of my personality to do just that.  I am so angry with myself right now that tears are welling up in my eyes for the third time today.